Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize