If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I know her cup size but not her name....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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