I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
