it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
