hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
