I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
