well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
