You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
