your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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