I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
