Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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