I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
