i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
