you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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