oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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