It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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