They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
