Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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