This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize