Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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