I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
What a fucking waste of an outfit
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When did angry sex become our thing?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
