Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
