It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i believe in u and ur pee
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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