Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
