I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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