In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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