11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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