so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
