If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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