does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
