the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
