I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
