I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
