Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i think my cat just said my name.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
