that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
