I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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