He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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