Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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