he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
