Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
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The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
