She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
