And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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