she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
