I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize