I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Randomize
