Can Purell be used as lube?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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