um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
