how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
