Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
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