i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
