if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
