dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
That was before I lit my hair on fire
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
