i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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