Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
