someone get that fucking seahorse.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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