Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
