i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
