I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize