He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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