Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
