So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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