I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
