A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
