You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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