Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
