Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Randomize
