Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize