He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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