Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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