All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
