youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
