Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
