Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
