Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
