clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
