She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
